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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27186229">A Very Schitty Halloween</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunnyfreeze/pseuds/sunnyfreeze'>sunnyfreeze</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Schitt's Creek</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, Fluff, Future Fic, Halloween, Haunted Houses, Patrick Ronnie Rivalry, Post-Canon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 03:40:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,247</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27186229</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunnyfreeze/pseuds/sunnyfreeze</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose Apothecary is hosting a haunted house! Patrick is excited about it, David is not.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Patrick Brewer/David Rose, Stevie Budd &amp; David Rose</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>60</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Schitt's Creek Trick Or Treat</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Very Schitty Halloween</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">



        <li>In response to a prompt by
            Anonymous in the <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/collections/SCTrickOrTreat">SCTrickOrTreat</a>
          collection.
        </li>
    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>
  <strong>Prompt:</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>David gets roped into working at a haunted house. Patrick is the dork who gets *way* too into it. Stevie is the opposite of helpful.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I would just like the record to state that I am not a fan of this.” David gestured both to the plastic bag he’s holding as if it’s toxic and the general state of the store.</p><p>“Yeah, I think the record is pretty clear on that, David,” Patrick said wryly from where he was sitting under the table, fiddling with a smoke machine. He peeked his head out and looked up at David. “But we said I was in charge of social events for the store, and this will be fun. Even Alexis said it was a good idea.”</p><p>Stevie snickered, sipping her Bloody Mary Emphasis On The Bloody, lovingly labeled by David’s husband. She leaned against their half empty shelves as she hid her smirk behind her drink, boxes of product and fake cobwebs at her feet.</p><p>“You hush!”</p><p>“I didn’t say anything!”</p><p>“Okay, guys,” Patrick said, standing up and brushing his hands on his jeans. “If you’re not gonna be helpful, why don’t you go get dressed?”</p><p>“I don’t want to.”</p><p>“Babe. Please just do it. It’s one night.”</p><p>“Fine.” David held up his face imperiously, and Patrick obeyed the unspoken command, kissing him on the cheek. “For you I will wear this hideous polyester tonight.”</p><p>“I at least picked something on brand for both of you! No colors outside your comfort zone…”</p><p>David glared and Stevie grimaced, looking at the plastic bag David handed her, which featured a photo of a pale middle aged man with slicked back hair, a cape, and vampire fangs. “I would like the record to state that I am also not a fan of this,” she said, holding up the bag.</p><p>Patrick sighed. “So noted.”</p><p>------------</p><p>“You guys look great!” Patrick grinned and adjusted David’s collar. David and Stevie had both dressed in all black, but they actually looked slightly different than usual because they had also greased and pulled back their hair, put on the cheap high-collar vampire capes, lined their eyes with a thick black outline, and dripped fake blood over their lips and down their chins. “I’m glad I didn’t spend the money on the white cover-up.”</p><p>David jerked back as he and Stevie gasped in unison. “Excuse you! You know our tanning place closed early for the winter.”</p><p>“Abandoned us when we needed it most,” Stevie said sadly.</p><p>“Its closure is saving money on all fronts. C’mon, I’ll show you the store.”</p><p>They stepped in and gaped. Patrick had managed an actual transformation on the store in the time they had been lazing around Stevie’s apartment playing with fake blood. All the lights had been turned off or partially covered with dark cloth and cobwebs. The furniture had been moved around and more cloth draped, so that they could only see a dim path in front of them, rather than the entire store. Various spooky elements had been scattered around, so that David could see a warty witch nose at the corner and a bloody hand coming out of a cloth.</p><p>“Damn, Patrick. This looks good,” Stevie said, truly impressed.</p><p>“Yeah?” He grinned. “So it’s like a maze kind of, I’ll take you through. I’m thinking you guys take turns leading groups through, so there’s always someone at the door.” He led them through the twists he had created. “When you come through, Aiden will be crouched here and jump out.” He pointed to a little nook in the structure and referred to one of the high schoolers they were paying to work in the haunted house. “We already did a run through with the guys, and it worked pretty well. You two will probably get used to the timing quickly and not be startled.”</p><p>“We’ll see about that…” David’s jaw twisted, but Patrick’s energy didn’t flag.</p><p>“Come on, it’s gonna be great. So much better than last year.”</p><p>Stevie frowned. “You didn’t do a haunted house last year.”</p><p>“And then I’ll be here! I’ll be the only one to pop out from behind the group.” He reached out and massaged David’s shoulder, suppressing a shudder at the texture of his cape. “I’m gonna go get ready. You two look great. It’s gonna be a fun night, and great for the store. You’ll see.”</p><p>--------------</p><p>Patrick was wrong. David flinched every single time Joaquin jumped out from behind the witch and most times when Dennis did as well. It made him ever so grateful that Stevie was the one who had to take Roland, Jocelyn, Ronnie, and Bob through.</p><p>“Alright,” she said, devoid of all life and energy (in her usual voice), “Stay close to me if you want to live.”</p><p>“Oh, I’m so excited! I love a good scare,” Jocelyn squealed, hugging Roland’s arm.</p><p>David heard Ronnie ask, “I thought you hated horror movies?” just as the door shut behind them.</p><p>The next thing odd David heard was Patrick’s yell. It wasn’t the usual frightening scream he did, but David would have ignored it, thinking his husband just wanted to change it up, except the yell was followed by: “What the hell, Roland?”</p><p>With a “Stay right here,” to the next group in line, David rushed in through the maze to find the high schoolers and maze attendees huddled around Patrick at the very end. “What happened?!”</p><p>Patrick looked up at him, clutching his nose. He looked awful. His eyes were swollen and his cheeks looked bruised. It was unclear what was the zombie makeup that Twyla had done and what might have been related to the yelling. “Roland punched me.”</p><p>“Roland!” David zeroed in on him.</p><p>“I’m sorry! He came up at me from behind and startled me! What was I supposed to do?”</p><p>“Nothing! Scream!” David’s arms flailed. “You’re in a haunted house!”</p><p>“I’ve sorry, Dave.” Roland paused. “I really can’t take you seriously in that outfit.”</p><p>“Augh!”</p><p>Stevie grabbed David just in time to stop him from tackling Roland, and handed Patrick an icepack. “David, it’s fine. Patrick’s fine. Right?”</p><p>Patrick nods. “I really am fine, David. Don’t know if I have another round of haunted house in me,” they all turned and glared at Roland, “but I’m fine.”</p><p>They were all startled by the sound of laughter and turned to see Ronnie clutching her side and a cracked tombstone as she cackled. “Well, Patrick,” she said, gasping for breath between snickers, “you were right. This really was worth coming to. Ah.” She wiped her eyes and straightened as Patrick glared at her from around his icepack, makeup dripping from his face.</p><p>“Oh, is this why you went all out?” David hissed, incredulous. “Because of your little…” David waved his hands.</p><p>Patrick’s glare turned sheepish as he turned to David. “She hosted last year and, at the Jazzagal’s concert, she was baiting me!”</p><p>David sighed. “Never again, Patrick.”</p><p>“David—”</p><p>“Never.” David touched his vampire collar. “Again.”</p><p>“Yes, dear.”</p><p>“Now.” David turned to everyone. “Get out. Stevie, can you tell everyone outside we’re closed?”</p><p>“Sure.”</p><p>“We’re going home,” he said to Patrick, as they all trailed out. “We’re gonna wipe off this makeup, we’re gonna get into bed, and we’re gonna watch Hocus Pocus. Like I wanted. Safely. Yes?” He raised his eyebrows pointedly.</p><p>“Yes. You don’t even need to help me clean this all up tomorrow.”</p><p>“Thank you.” David grimaced. “I mean, I am gonna help… But not that much.”</p><p>Patrick grinned. “I love you.”</p><p>“I love you too.” They headed out the door. “I’ll drive. You need to hold that ice pack.”</p>
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